“You may not know where you're going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.” 

C. Joy Bell C

(Modern American Influential writer and thinker)

This is my story...

I would like to tell you a bit about myself, and some of the events in my life that have brought me here today.

I come from a small close-knit family; I have one sister, a few years older than I; our parents are now both deceased... We lost our Mum to cancer while we were still children, and then later, in our twenties, our Dad died from heart trouble. A few years ago, our Aunty also lost her life to cancer; she was our Dad’s sister. Over the years, as childhood memories of our Mum had faded from our minds, our Aunty had become more like a mother to us than an aunt, so when she died, it felt as if we had lost our Mum all over again.

Following our Mum’s death, my sister and I were sent away to live with our Aunty as there was no one to look after us; our Dad was a single-handed general practitioner, having to work very long hours, and we were simply not old enough to cope on our own. It was very hard for the both of us, our whole world had turned upside down, and I started suffering from various emotional problems, stress-related issues, having to live away from home, along with all the typical issues resulting from childhood bereavement – depression, insecurity, eating disorders, etc.

I didn’t know how to deal with any of them, and though our Aunty was very kind and tried to help me, I had never been away from our Mum. As a very small child, I had suffered from a brain tumour, which had caused several physical issues that can result from such an illness for quite some years, and though I eventually recovered from them fully, as a result of them, I had become emotionally totally dependent on our Mum.

Unable to control what was happening around me, I tried to regain some order in my life, but ended up working myself into the ground, never getting enough sleep, never eating properly, exercising for hours and hours every day, all in order to try and create some sense of control, through the mixed-up emotions of a juvenile, like guilt and blame, and self-loathing following our Mum's death.

I drove myself relentlessly to the point of collapse on a daily basis, living solely for a near maniacal sense of ambition to succeed in some 'idealised' future career that I had become fixated upon. I thought I was strong enough to cope with anything that came my way... But at that age, strength and stubbornness are just a matter of opinion. Eventually, by the time I reached my mid-teens, I had become totally anorexic. I did recover from it, but soon thereafter had a complete mental and physical breakdown. Thus my ‘wilderness years' began… Trying to figure out who I was.

Still, despite the inner turmoil from my breakdown, I remained extremely ambitious and still held on to a ‘romanticised future’ full of dreams. However, by the time I finally sorted myself out enough to go to college I was physically so weak, that I kept falling ill with every bug out there; my stomach lining was so badly damaged due to anorexia that I had developed earlier on, I could hardly digest anything. In the end, I nearly died trying to cope with the workload. And though I did graduate in time, I didn’t get the degree I needed to pursue the career of my choice.

Nevertheless, after graduation, I took up a teaching post at a private school. But a few short years later, when my health finally gave way, I had to give it all up and walk away from my nascent career as a mathematics and physics teacher. All the issues from years of self-neglect, over-work and never-ending emotional stress had finally caught up with me.

So, following numerous failed part-time jobs, which I always lost due to my poor state of health, and having tried my hand at just about everything I could think of, I eventually found myself unable to earn a living. The financial difficulties that ensued, sent me into such depths of depression that I have to say I felt there was nothing much left to live for…

And then the Universe sent me something that forced me out of my inner turmoil, and gave me a purpose that I would never have imagined... And the rest is history as the saying goes.

It all started when a small stray dog came into our lives and stole our hearts. He was a friendly, playful little fellow, and after he had been with us for a while, we felt he really needed a friend to play with...

To cut a long story short, in the quest to find him a playmate, one thing led to another, and before we knew it we had a house full of rescued dogs... So, we decided we might as well just make it official and set up a charity! So a few years ago, we set up a small dog charity called Happy Halfway Home which we run from our home in London, England. (If you ever fancy adopting a dog – you know where to come for one!)

Anyway, to get to the point - after much turmoil over the course of my life, I finally arrived at the conclusion, that if I truly wanted to be happy - I just had to be happy. I had to make that decision first and everything else would follow.

So, now that I had a charity to run, I had to overcome my issues once and for all, or my life would just continue becoming a downward spiral of endless despair and disillusionment, despite all my efforts. It struck me that I might not be able to 'fix' everything, but I could certainly change my outlook...

Ultimately, life is about how fulfilled we feel. I could either feel debilitated and worthless, tormented by the pains of my past, or I could simply just refuse to allow them to hurt me anymore, and break the endless cycle of disappointment and heartbreak and failure by focusing on the good things in my life... It was simply a question of perspective. All I had to do was reinvent myself as a happier person and each of my tomorrows would hence be a perfect day, as long as I believed each of my todays was already perfect...

Now, to my amazement, though sometimes I find it hard to believe – things have actually started working out for me! I found my perfect means to a living and set up my own business, my life is filled with joy because of my dogs, my health is improving as I have less stress and worry, and I finally feel I am making progress, creating the kind of life I have yearned for - all of my life.

So, here I am, on an adventure of a lifetime... Literally the journey of a lifetime, and I’m living it one day at a time, reinventing myself, one moment at a time, each second trying to remember life is how we believe it to be.

Now I can finally say, I am at last happy to be on this journey... And I would like to thank you for being here to share it with me.

With love and blessings,

Dana x